Thursday, January 20, 2011

Yes I can say NO

image “What part of NO you did not understand… ‘N’ or ‘O’?” this is the statement you need to learn if you have clicked the link to this blog… and… Yes you will learn the art of saying No to others as and when you want.

Some possibilities of saying ‘yes / ok i will’ are as follows

1. You are favoring or pleasing some one,
2. You are finding it difficult to say NO
3. You have never said NO to any one so how can you say it this time
4. You do not care… when you can do it or help others..then…why to say NO
5. The other person has left no option (by coercion or manipulation) … but to say YES

Whether you agree to it or not… no matter how willfully you say yes to a process it results in an indirect increase in your stress and anger level plus being irksome becomes your trademark.
     simply ------->     Saying Yes     is directly proportional to     Stress

What ever be the condition do not agree to dance on the tunes of others…… learning to say NO… is a favor that you may do to your self and in some cases to the other person too… probably he may start doing things by himself or at least stop manipulating you.

Earlier in my life, I found it very difficult to say NO… but once a good friend made me realize that i was doing it wrong and how i have let people utilize me for their own good… i opted to go for NO. The first time i said NO was very difficult for me and for the counter party as well, but later he never came to me asking for a favor. I thank my friend who told me that there are two answers to a request… yes or no… and… decision resides with me.

Before saying NO, one should consider if its reasonable and has time if he commits …but… the most important thing is how to value that request (acceptable or not )… Just know that the choice is yours. For instance compare “if you are helping a colleague in any mode when he needs assistance or you are sorting issues where you know he is completely banking on you and will repeat it”

The ideal way of saying NO:

Tough saying NO directly when approached, is the easiest solution but may result in many adverse scenarios; and since i have faced it i would suggest not to follow it unless the party becomes pain in the neck and fails to comprehend by any means
The procedure that I have found workable is extremely simple where refusal is delayed, purposefully, and by the time that party understands it… they are about to get screwed in near future… so the only option they are left with is to do it by them selves :)
Illustration of the process:  
e.g. Mr.X “Since i am busy on an other job can you do me a favor by doing this other job…plz plz plz”
Below are the steps you need to follow.

1. Say Yes… giving the assurance that you can do that job (its not only him who knows) and its absolutely fine to approach you in this regard.
                next step
2. Turn it down… (either that very moment or with a time lag)
              if immediately use a reason like, “I know i can, but my work load is haunting me already and with regrets i cannot take further pressure”
              if you want to use delay tactics use, “Ok! but Mr.X this would be not be on my priority list, first i will complete my tasks then will help you out”
                next step
3. Giving Hope… (for the next time) this works as icing on the wound… they can feel that there may be a next time… 
             use a statement like, “next tell me in advance so that i sit with you and help you”
             the next time… use, “some how i fail to manage my time and i feel bad to see you suffer… but what can be done now”

Tips to making this process successful:

a. be very polite during the whole conversation.
b. make a face that depicts that you have work stress.
c. do not go in to details or explaining the what and whys
d. blame your self (indirectly him)… “i really do not have time management skills, i can only complete my tasks in time”  ;)

This technique has  personally benefitted by eradicating all my miseries and i hope its works likewise for you.

Good Luck in Saying NO


  1. Loved reading this post. The last tip of blaming is the best.

  2. Effective.. I'm borrowing this from you brother.