Sunday, August 1, 2010

Marriage = Gamble + Job

Why I am writing it I don’t know and how I came up with this analogy and equation goes back to my discussion during lunch hour with my colleagues (SEEMA and SHAZI).
“All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” -Raymond Hull 
This piece of writing has specially been written from weaker sex perspective, while men are more then welcome to read where I feel they lack :(.
Marriage is Gamble

Why I consider marriage a gamble is because I contradict to the view:
  1. “There exists an amazing understanding b/w us” (s/he knows me inside out…. They why do you people fight and let neighbors listen your loud music)
  2. “He bears a good character, my father hired a private investigator / went to his office etc” … (Alas! After marriage one gets to know about pre-marriage affair(s), lady is treated like a servant etc)
  3. “His mom and sis are shoooo sweet”… (Ladies who suffer domestic violence includes the girls who stated this)
  4. “We will live separately, no family intervention in our matters”…(Good! Then why are you separated now?)
  5. “Baby doll i love the way you smile / look at me/ million of kisses to my pumpkin / you made my life”… (this all later transforms to => Get lost / Bit*h/Shut up / don’t stare like that / you ruined my life)
The list can go on… and the ladies who agree will have many more versions to add to it. All of this substantiates to refer Marriage as Gamble.
In my view marriage can easily be associated with employment where your side by colleague is hubby, the role of boss / gossiper / marketing and public affairs / operations will go to monster and scamp in law (mother and sister in law respectively). Father in law is majority of time is a façade, bearing the title of but in actual is a puppet to monster. Other colleagues in the office have different job description and political role.
As a newly wed bride enters the new office, she has loads of new challenges waiting for her… a generic sequence is as follows:
  1. In some cases, especially where she will be living in joint family system, her wedding night is ruined when her husband tells her to obey his mother at all times.
  2. The honey moon period is ruined, when she is subliminally informed that it is her probation period, and responsibilities await at her arrival.
  3. New job (home), new people to work with (family members), new bosses (mom and pa in law), the new who is who and whose through are learnt through experience.
  4. Oscillating attitude of Hubby, where he wants to pacify his bitter half and the family members at the same time.
  5. Adapting to new customs and traditions, for example, how specific food item is prepared
The initial time that is the dream of every girl to enjoy with her hubby is spent comprehending the new environment and the people who have created that environment.
every mother-in-law desires that her son in law is very subservient to her daughter, but cannot imagine the same for her son”
The options left at the disposal of new employee are as follows:
  1. Modify what she learnt from the old job (her mom) and apply to the new job to get her self adjusted
  2. Give her self a new start by adjusting and learning things from scratch
  3. Switch or transfer, i.e. detach from joint family system or separate
  4. Resign: Divorce
I agree that marriage is noble relationship, that happens to everyone at any point in life. It is mostly because of the immaturity, impatient attitude, and ego that the spark is lost. I would suggest to all bear in mind, “every  action has equal and opposite reaction” or (rephrasing it to ) consequences come to us because we brought them to our life or we structure our life our way.
A little calmness in nature, sharing your views / ideas and feeling with our companion to reach a solution is far more better then loosing a companion or family or both for life.


  1. WOW!! I just love the way u wrote it Zaheer bahe! I mean its just perfect and the way you have explained it considering a job side by side.. its just great!

    Thanks for mentioning mom's name(SEEMA)

    well to keep up a relation be it a marriage or any other is to throw away the egos, and learn to be more compromising and tolerate things happening around us as nothing is more important then a relationship! specially if it is a hubby/wifey relationship!
    n yeah its pretty true that relationships are made very quickly but its hard to maintain it and one who does it lives the happy life!


  2. Zaheer this is something which should highly be appreciated!
    I just love it!
    Thankyou for mentioning my name!:)
    And we all should have discussions like this in the free time so you can write in such detail!
    Goodluck to you :)


  3. Thanks Alyza and Seema, I really appreciate your comments.

    @ Seema, discussion session is a must especially at lunch... it shows me new dimensions of life ;)